Friday Funny

A man received the following text from his neighbour:
  

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Bloody autospell! I meant "wifi, not "wife" . . . . .

Winter Birthdays....

Hello There

Brrrrr!  I have just come back in from Dancing where we held a "bit of a do for Rabbie".  In other words, some nibbles, some Robbie Burns poetry, a Highland Fling and a toast to the Birthday Boy.  Coming home it was mighty cold with some sleet which got to be more snow than sleet by the time I got home!!!  Wrap up warm and that advice goes to my blogging friends across the pond.  I can hardly believe what New England is going through only a few months after our visit there.  

Right then onto tonight's post.  

Last week I had a flurry of birthdays, including 3 on Friday alone!  So I decided to make some wintery birthday cards, one of which was for a Playground friend who had kindly let me borrow her MB Snowflake die after I was drooling over my laptop at her cards.  So here is my card...

 

Isn't that die just wonderful?  And typical of MB dies, it cuts so well too.  So how did I make  it?  I took a piece of white cardstock (some of them from the Snippets drawer) and inked it with Broken China, Faded Jeans, Tumbled Glass and Shaded Lilac (NBUS) DIs.  Then I used my favourite technique of spritz n flick by spraying some water into my hand and flicking over the card, leave it a few seconds then dab the excess water.  Once this was dry I then took a TH snowflake stamp, versamark and my new favourite WOW embossing powder and randomly stamped some snowflakes on the card.

Then out with the NBUS MB Happy Birthday die and cut this out then I used the visiting MB Snowflake die.  Unfortunately one of them got a little scuff when I peeled the tape off.  Never mind...out came the PB Smile die and a Snippet of blue metallic and I covered the blemish.  I liked the idea so much I decided to use it on all of them!

Last job was to layer up the two layers onto the card and hey presto cards were completed.  I sent a photo of the first one to Hubster who was in work and his reply was "its a bit Frozen"!  Typical man ey!

I hope you like it.  Expect to see some similar ones now for Christmas any time soon!  This die has now been pushed up the Wish List now I have used it.  Thanks Matey for letting me borrow it.  

Off to the Playground as some of these elements were made from Snippets.  I hope there is plenty of hot chocolate and plenty of room in front of the fire!

Hettie

First Rudolph Day of 2015 - And she is off....

Hello there

Welcome to my first Rudolph Day of 2015 and this year sees the challenge move over the pond to ScrappyMo's blog HERE while Stamping for Pleasure goes to the Elves Rest Home for a little while!

This month seems to have flown by and I had not had chance to sit down and make cards for Rudolph Day until yesterday.  So here they are...

I took a Snippet of cream card and stamped it with the Artistic Outpost Reindeer and my new favourite Archival ink - Wendy Vecchi's Potting Soil before cutting it with my NBUS Creative Expressions bauble die.  Once cut I inked around the edge with Brushed Cord DI and then decided to stamp some of the greenery from TH Christmas stamp set in Gathered Twigs DI.  I inked up a white, yes white, piece of card which was in my Snippets drawer with Brushed Cord, Frayed Burlap and GT DIs.  Once it was dry I stamped the TH stamp with PS and embossed it with clear embossing powder.  

I then set about inking the card itself with the same colours, though more GT I think.  I stamped the same greenery stamp too.  I wanted to cut the bauble top out and spotted a Dunkin Doughnuts coffee wrap sitting in my box and thought this the perfect medium to use.  I then strung it and needed a flash of colour and spotted a small Snippet of ribbon in the ribbon basket.  I then set to layer the card together and needed a little more colour along the bottom (they are closer IRL) so used some washi tape.

I decided to make a second, though I used different elements such as a buff colour Snippet for the Spellbinders bauble, adding a bauble top too, and different washi tape.

I hope you like my cards.  I am off now to link it to the RD challenge as well as take them down the Snippets Playground as they contain Snippets.  I did actually make a third card but I will share that another time as I could not photograph that one.

Have a great week everyone and thanks for calling by.

Hettie 

Friday Funny

Why?

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? 

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'? 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Multipurpose Design of Cards...

Hello there

Brrrrr!  Tis a cold one here right now and I am typing this whilst huddled under a quilt..a home made one of course!  Do wrap up well and keep well!

A good friend of mine over the seas asked me if I could make some cards for her to sell at a Craft Fair that is organised by her Mom so I sent a bundle of cards which I made using Snippets left over from the Album I made for my Mum a little while ago....

I cut the Snippets into strips and laid them on the card base at an angle.  Some strips were embossed, some were stamped and others had some faux stitches.  I added some MB butterflies and flourishes made using MB and Tonic dies.

I was asked to make some Sympathy cards...I really do not like making these, and I used the same format for making these too.

I used also added some Liquid Pearls to added spots and glimmer.  It is a beautiful pearlised effect.

This was a lovely strip die which I had in my stash for some time and had not used until now. Isn't it just beautiful? 

I am taking all these down to the Snippets Playground.  Bagsie a cwtch with Parsnip!

Thanks for calling by.

Hettie.

Friday Funny

 Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.  Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'

Startled, Sophia replies,

'Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'

Luigi answers,'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes.

How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ' Rosa do you wear white panties tonight?'

Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?'

He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes...

How do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,

Luigi asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red...

He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please,please, tella me this true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight...'

Luigi gasps, 'Thanka God ....I thought I had a crack in my $300 Armani leather shoes...!

Happy Birthday Cherry...

Hello there

I do hope you are all keeping warm and cosy and not snowed in.  But then again....all that extra time to play in the craft room!  Not such a bad thought after all is it?

Towards the end of last year when I was in the C mode it was Cherry's birthday.  Now I usually try and make a card with a Cherry on there somewhere but this year I decided to open the Tin of Shame and make something from there.  I am determined to get that tin at least half empty during this year.  So here it is...

The first thing I decided upon was this stamped image which is Artistic Outpost and was sent to me by a dear friend.  I always think these look like two spinster sisters who run their family haberdashery.  So that was my theme.

The background piece was in an envelope with a WOYWW ATC.  The pink trellis was sent in another envelope of goodies from over the Pond.  The stamping is all Paperartsy.  There are a few MB flowers tucked in behind the image.  I used Snippets for the stampings and matting of image.

This tiny piece of lace has been in the bottom of my lace basket for years and years so it was time it was used up.  I just love all these little haberdashery pieces.  The button and thread labels.  A little glass flower button to finish it off.

All made using Snippets so I am off to the Snippets Playground to check everything is still in place after the winds we have had recently.

Hettie

Happy Birthday Rachel...

Hello there

What a windy weekend weather we have had!  We have still to find the Girls' poop bucket, though I have seen bits of straw around which were in there!!  Ho Hum!!  I hope everyone is ok and not lost anything worse than a poop bucket!

I was having a look at my draft posts and I came across this one which I have not shared with you. It was for my good buddy Rachel.  I renewed my membership of a certain Craft TV site and received the tartan papers so this was their first outing.  With my money back I bought the Tonic die set and this was their first outing also. 

The pink background is some star paper which I inked around the edges with some DI to make it deeper.  Some TH tissue tape, a sheet of my Czech book and some torn tartan paper.  I then cut the Tonic border die which I layered on some Vanilla SU card.  I used a frame which was in my Snippets tin as well as the centre piece which I stamped using SU stamps.

The flower is a SU stamp and punch which I embossed with clear embossing powder.  A Snippet of ribbon stamped with HB stamp and tied with gold thread.  .

The Penny Black Smile die was cut several times and layered up then smooshed with some DI., some SU flutterbies and hey presto Rachel's card was complete.

Off to take this over to the Snippets Playground and also Darnell's NBUS Challenge as there are both Snippets and NBUS involved in the making of this card.

Have a great week and wrap up warm with heavy shoes on..I hear we have cold wind coming our way!

Hugs

xx

Friday Funny

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Banker looks down in horror. 

'F***ING HELL!' he screams........'Where's my Rolex????...

As always I am linking this with my Buddie Annie for the Friday Smiles.  

WOYWW 292 - And there is a floor!!

Hello there!

A certain Ms Dunnit will wonder what is happening with me joining in on WOYWW twice in a row!! But I wanted to share with you the progress I have made so far of tidying my craft room!  It may not look much but shelves have been rearranged, things picked up off the floor and things generally cleared in order to Simplify my room.  My word of the year is Simplify so where better to start but in my craft room.

I am assuming you all know what WOYWW is yes?  What is On Your Workdesk Wednesday.

 Look!  I have more floor now!!  That table to the left is virtually clear other than my cutter and some pictures I am waiting for Mr Hettie to put up for me.  Most of the bits of card and fabric are gone.

 Here is my work desk...Oops!  I see Santa is still hanging on my lamp and Monkey has not changed his jumper!  I will be having words with him.  For the eagle eyed, there are some NBUS dies to the right of my glass mat which are waiting for their first outing.  The envelope is an envelope of loveliness which arrived just before Christmas from Alison and I am still at the stroking stage.  

 

Ahhhh. My new machine on a somewhat clearer desk.  The baskets that were on the left of the desk have been moved onto shelves so that I have lots of room to quilt and sew.  The white bag contains some fabric which I hope to make up into a dress.  The brown box with gold hearts to the right of the photo is a box of drawers which a friend bought for me and has some sewing bits in.

And finally...sorry Miss, I have a deck chair for my tablet/note pad just like Miss Dunnit has.  I found it quite by chance and will be great for those times when I am watching tutorial videos whilst sewing, such as the Craftsy one I recently enrolled on.  Unfortunately our internet is so pants the picture only changes every 30 seconds so it is not that helpful but one day...  I see I left my swiffer dusters on show too.  At least you know it has been cleaned.

Right then...off you go now you have had a nosey round my desk but please leave a comment first.  Then go to the Headmistress of the desks to have a nosey at other likeminded crafters who are sharing their desks.

Hettie

Hubby's Christmas Card - Funkie Junkie no 5

Hello there!

As I was packing the decs and cards away last night I realised that I had yet to share Mr Hettie's Christmas card with you, nor looking at my camera had I even photographed it, so I took some quick shots in the dim morning light and pronto before I came out to work.  So without further ado....

And this is the tag from the Funkie Junkie Challenge which gave me the inspiration...

I took the stars, silver and rays stencil as my inspiration.  I did not have the same die, but I borrowed the carolers die from my friend, cut the piece from a Snippet and then embossed with several layers of silver embossing powder.

The background was from a downloadable which I found on Pinterest (NBUS to me!).  I did not have the TH stencil so I turned to my trusty Silhouette and cut one using a piece of laminated plastic that I had left over from some laminating I did for my boss!  I know!  So I wondered if it would cut and it made a fine and dandy stencil.  I took my Versamark and inked through the stencil and added clear embossing powder into which I had sprinkled some Martha Stewart glitter, then I heat embossed it.  Once it was cool, I added some NBUS Scattered Straw DI to give a bit more of a yellow glow to the background.

Around the edge of the background I then stamped my Hampton Arts dotty stamp and embossed with some silver embossing powder.  

The lamp is TH which I again used Snippets to cut out before adding some stickles to the red berries.  I used my SSS stars die to cut the small stars out using Snippets of gold glitter card.  The sentiment was cut using the Penny Black with Festive Berries DI and clear embossing powder.

Hubby loved it and actually so do I.  I wonder if Lesley will let me borrow the die again?   Maybe if I offer her some eggies in exchange?

I am too late to join in the Funkie Junkie Challenge due to an array of reasons which I will not bore you with but I am going to finish the 12 so watch this space.   I can now join in with the Snippets Playground and Darnell's NBUS as there were both Snippets and newbies on this card.

Thanks for calling by.

Hettie

Friday Funny!

Happy New Year to you all and here is a Funny to start the Year!!



WIN IRISH  SISTERS  CELEBRATE

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland  Nursing Home were turning one hundred years  old.

The editor of the local newspaper told a  photographer to get over there and take
pictures of the two 100 year old  twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite  well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the  sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said  to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER  THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a  little closer together," said the  cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS  SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.

So they wiggled up close to each  other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got  to focus the camera," said the photographer.

Yet  again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA  FOCUS!"

With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out,

"OH LARD JESUS!  BOTH OF  US???? -- CAN I BE FIRST???"

Linking this up with my friend Annie!!